Age brings us wisdom
By TMX Archives on 9th Jul 08
Or does it? Editor JD goes back in time to re-live a certain incident from 30 years ago... Mmm, isn't it a that pity that there wasn't CCTV in Barrow at the time... ABOUT 30 years ago, I managed to pull off the classic motorcycling accident of the day: there I was, cruising through downtown Barrow-in-Furness on my brand-new, shiny red four-cylinder Suzuki GS750, admiring myself in Woollies window, as you do, when the traffic lights outside the old ABC cinema turned to red. I snicked noisily down through the box, (lovely Devil four-into-one exhaust) came to a dramatic halt feet-up and then - to the cheers from the picture-house queue, dramatically toppled over in the road, trapped embarrassingly under the bike.
The cause was, as those of you who came through the 1970s will know, my stylish(!) bell-bottomed jeans. When I had mounted my pride and joy, unbeknown to me, the old bell-bottoms had slipped nicely over the Suzuki's long, slender kick-start and when I came to a halt I simply couldn't get my foot on the floor. Worse, I couldn't get free without some assistance which came, reluctantly, from the motorists trapped behind me who couldn't move until I did! The picture-house queue was, of course, helpless with laughter.
And so it came to pass that last week, to my total amazement, I found myself back in time and in almost exactly that predicament. No, the bell-bottoms have long been consigned to the bin and I don't think the ABC cinema is in business any more but I was sure as hell trapped under a bike by my leg - and couldn't move without help.
I had invited myself along to an Aprilia RXV450 test, which was conducted at a ‘secret' venue in north Wales, and was enjoying a bit of an off-road burn on the exciting V-twin rip-snorters. Sadly, my Aprilia moment was every bit as stationary as the old Suzuki embarrassment. How I wish I could say that I went end-over-end in spectacular fashion after losing it flat out in fifth. The truth is, I had simply come to a halt on a slippery banking, had managed to winkle the side-stand from its travelling position and was just pushing it home against its spring when - "Oh No!” - I lost my footing and balance, and the bike arced earthwards in super slow-motion, coming to a clunking halt with my leg trapped painfully between earth, side-stand and bike. Doh!
After several minutes of struggling and wriggling in vain, hoping that I wouldn't be spotted, I was absolutely stuck fast. All of which left me with no option but to meekly yelp, "Help, I'm stuck!” You have no idea how daft I felt. Thankfully that nice Aprilia man Paul Walker, T+MX's Ben and TBM's James managed, with difficulty, to lift the bike up and away from my dumb leg - in between fits of laughter naturally. I don't blame them in the slightest - I would have done exactly the same. Had I been out on my own I would still be there, or maybe I would have had to gnaw my leg off...
All of which goes to prove what I have known all along - that there is no point in getting older if you don't get wiser. Why the hell don't I take my own advice?
On the subject of bike tests, it is actually one of life's mysteries that there are not actually a lot more accidents than there are. OK, most testing is done by ‘experts' or at least by people who are at least experienced in riding off-road. There are, naturally, crashes of varying degrees, but nothing that usually ends in a trip in the meat wagon down to the vets. There are exceptions. A couple of years ago I was present at a test where photographer for the day (Jonty Edmunds) actually spent more time ferrying the injured (including a member of the bike's importer's!) to hospital than he did taking photos. In fact it eventually went dark on us - but I must insist that was an exception.
Also an exception was a Yamaha MX test back in the early 1980s, concluded on a fast, hard-pack track in southern France where T+MX was represented by Mike Sweeney.
I forget the detail but basically poor old Sweeney unloaded off a jump at quite frightening speed and when they had
collected all the bits, thrown them in the ambulance and screwed them together down the local hospital, Mike rang the office to say that he was nursing a broken arm and leg and the rest of him was feeling
pretty mangled.
"But” came back T+MX founding editor Bill Lawless, "you WILL be in at work on Monday won't you Sweeney!”