TMX Says: Mole in one
By TMX Archives on 31st Aug 16
I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy but even I was sceptical that the head honchos at Youthstream were controlling the tail end of the motocross world championship. That was right up until I decided to write about it for this weeks TMX Says column
It's been said many times before that I am the world's most disorganised person so it's definitely a little bit strange that I've got a folder on my hard drive containing each and every column numbered from one upwards. This week's Word file is named ‘TMX column #116' which in itself is nothing extraordinary – after all there are 115 others like it.
But is it just a coincidence that the scorecards of both moto one winners from the weekend (that's Shaun Simpson and Thomas Covington in case you missed it in which case I'd best add a (GP results spoiler alert*) were 1-16?
My undercover mole at the FIM thinks not... "They want you to believe everything is just random,” he said matter-of-factly calling from a roadside phone box in a hushed voice.
"But it's like this – they want to create the best package possible for television and the marketing execs have figured out that if a lovable underdog wins race one then way more people will tune into race two.
"That's when they turn off the power inhibiting EFI scrambling devices – made out of that alien technology they recovered from Roswell in 1947 – that they fit to all the bikes during Technical Control.
That's why Cairoli and Herlings were able to win race two – their bikes were back to full power!” ‘But hang on,' I fired back. "How did they guarantee that Simpson and Covington didn't go out and ace race two n'all?'
"Magnets,” yelled the mole incredulously. "They bury electro- magnets underneath all the race tracks these days and only turn them on when certain steel-framed bikes are passing over them. It causes the bikes to either slow down massively or the riders to crash.
It's really quite simple – how do you think they took out Sterry in race one?” ‘Right, so you're saying that Youthstream uses alien technology and electro-magnets to dictate the outcome of the races?' I ask while shaking my head.
‘That's all well and good but doesn't explain why Gajser was so off it at the weekend...' "Think about it you idiot,” screamed the Mole getting increasingly more and more impatient. "When they thought he was running away with the MXGP championship they got Monster to sign him up.
Everyone who is anyone knows that those claw logos on the side of their helmets have mind control capabilities. When they thought he was gonna win the series before the US flyaways they flicked the switch and scrambled his brain – he's not put in two decent rides since signing on the dotted line...”
‘I'm really not convinced,' I said. ‘If, like you say, they're happy for the lovable underdog to win race one but not race two how the hell did Stuart Brown and Josh Chamberlain get away with going 1-1 at the Swiss sidecarcross GP?'
"That's really simple,” said the Mole implying that I know nowt. "Youthstream have got absolutely zero interest in sidecars – that's why their GPs have still got proper qualifying, start money and a prize fund.
There is no energy drink financed mind washing, no EFI scrambling – heck, some of the bikes don't even have EFI – and there are absolutely no under-track magnets.”
‘So you're telling me that a 40-odd year old joiner from Cheshire, who was back at work on a building site first thing Tuesday morning, won the Swiss GP simply because he and his mate were head and shoulders better than everyone else in the world that day?' "Absolutely,” confessed the mole. And I knew there and then that this was the first ounce of truth he'd spoken all day...
